Relying on Tomorrow
Since childhood, the model has been that of confidence, and performance. To put the work in, to get the streak going, to build confidence and momentum. To get praised, and get ranked higher.
Confidence works on evidence. If there is no evidence, you're stuck. Say you can't cook. What do you do? You do not begin with the most complex dish on the planet. You just cook, say, steamed rice. One recipe in, confidence has been generated. Great.
The problem this model runs into is that it uses evidence to improve pace. And evidence relies on the past. If you did something well yesterday, you may have confidence today, or you may have performance anxiety. If you didn't do something well yesterday, you have that burden to carry today. And today's performance will be tomorrow's burden.
What I'm finding out is that instead of leaning on the wall built by my yesterday’s self, I can rely on the tomorrow instead. That It doesn't matter if I can do something, that if I did it yesterday, and how well I did it. What matters is that if it is something important enough, I will probably be doing it tomorrow as well anyway. So it doesn't matter if I'm not confident. Because tomorrow is still going to happen. And if I'm anyway going to be doing it tomorrow, the day after, and the day after that, the activity will always remain worth doing well the next time I’m doing it.
Now, instead of burden, I have freedom. I can choose to do things well today, or do them lazily. It’s up to me. It’s a choice.